You’re an asshole. Check that, you are an Asshole. Sorry, I just had to capitalize that right quick.
Case in point, check out this fuckwad, his cunt wife, and their window-licking baby adorable son:
(Shit, I could go off on a whole other tangent about old ladies having babies and how irresponsible that is given the increased risk of whatever and stuff. Not that that sounds ignorant or anything, I would never question someone’s reproductive rights, just their reproductive choices.)
And Brant, if for whatever reason you’re reading this, I’m sorry dude. Someone had to tell you, the dream is over, goatees are not and will never be cool.
Does my hate of the goatee spawn from some deep jealousy due to the fact that I am a 25-year-old male who cannot grow a moustache? No, and fuck you Dr. Phil.
Coming tomorrow: Scarf in summertime? I hope you get raped by a fire hydrant.
Post Script: Check out this piece of awfulness: GoateeSaver. Old news, I know, but fuck me if that shit isn’t still fantastically god awful.