‘Cause we’ll take any excuse to get tanked!
PART 1: AT THE POLLS
(Hide a flask on your person, filled with the booze of your choice. One of those Texas belt buckle flasks will work well, because you probably won’t get harassed by undercover GOP operatives. One in the shape of the Empire State Building might not fare you so well)
- Take a shot for every hundred people who are already ahead of you on line. It’ll make the waiting fun!
- Take a shot when the said undercover operatives try to convince you that cops will arrest you for outstanding parking tickets when you try to vote. Also, punch them in the face.
- Take a shot when election officials tell you your signature doesn’t match perfectly, or that the spelling of your name is different on your ID than what they have on file. Also, cry a little.
- Down the rest of your booze when you finally get into the polling booth, all excited to plunk down your vote for liberty and justice, and… the machine eats your vote, changes your vote, or freezes up. Kick it repeatedly until it works, otherwise… continue to cry.
PART 2: SITTING AROUND WATCHING PUNDITS ALL DAY
If you’re home all day like me, you’re going to find that you can’t concentrate on getting any work done, because you will be flipping between news stations and refreshing every political website on the web. This is will drive you crazy… you should have a drink. Go buy yourself a 30 pack of cheap beer (or a case and a six pack, for those of you not fortunate enough to live in a state that sells canned beer in quantities of 30).
- Have a leisurely drink watching The View ladies pull each others hair out. This isn’t really part of the game, it’s just fun.
- Have a drink everytime Faux News suggests the possibility that John McCain can win, no matter how ridiculously early it is. Like…. noon.
- Hear the phrase “Joe The Plumber”? Chug that shit down. If it is about rumors of him banging Kirsten Wigg, poke out your eyes and start gagging. (Sanity prevails, apparently this ISN’T true)
- Take a drink everytime Keith Olbermann gets rowdy.
- Battleground upset? Shotgun a can of beer and start singing that state’s anthem.
- Everytime a pundit gets a new magical board to draw on, have a drink.
- If the O’Reilly bot gets too overloaded with bullshit and actually explodes on camera, have a victory drink!
PART 3: THE FINAL RESULTS
Alright, you should be able to figure out how this goes.
- If Obama is the winner, crack open your best champagne and dance in the street with your neighbors. Victory! Hooray!
- If McCain wins, drink bottles of wine alone in your room until you pass out and can’t feel the pain anymore. Wake up the next morning feeling like shit, knowing we are in for four more years of war, wiretapping, lies, bullshit, and a crappy economy in the hole. Maybe it would be best to develop a drinking problem right now. (Editor’s note: you might want to grind up some Vicodin or something and take that shit to the dome)
DVD BONUS FEATURES:
The following drinking game comes from the South Florida Sun Sentinel, a newspaper! Seriously, I’ve partied in Ybor, those fuckers know what they’re doing booze wise!
In keeping with the night’s political theme, we recommend you arm your guests with red and blue drinks (see ideas below).
Take a sip of your red drink if:
- McCain wins a state.
- Anyone utters the word “maverick.”
- Joe the Plumber makes an appearance. (double points if he’s gotten his plumber’s license)
- A pundit implies that Sarah Palin is hot.
- Someone refers to Barack Obama as a socialist.
- Anyone says anything nice about George Bush.
Take a sip of your blue drink if:
- Obama wins a state. – Anyone utters the word “historic” in reference to Obama’s campaign.
- Hillary Clinton makes an appearance. (double points if Bill shows up too)
- A pundit implies that John McCain is senile.
- Someone mentions Tina Fey.
- Anyone says anything nice about John Kerry.
Take one sip from both drinks if:
A news anchor declares that a race is “too close to call.”
Throw in the towel if:
A news anchor announces that, once again, Florida is the presidential tie-breaker.
Jones Blue Bubblegum Soda
Blue Moon beer
Blue Jell-O shots
Blue Ice Martinis
- 1 shot vodka
- ½ shot Blue Curacao
- 1 dash of lime juice
Shake with ice and strain into glass. Garnish with lime.
Blue Hawaiian Punch (by Suite101.com)
- 2 pkgs Berry Blue Kool-Aid
- 1 quart club soda
- 2 cans frozen Pina Colada drink mixer
- 2 c sugar
Mix Kool-Aid and sugar and add frozen Pina Colada mixer. Stir until blended and pour in club soda before serving.
Red Stripe Beer
Red Jell-O shots
Sweet Ruby Red (recipezaar.com)
- 2 ½ oz. Absolut Ruby Red Grapefruit vodka
- 2 ½ oz. grapefruit juice
- 2 ½ oz. Grenadine
Pour vodka, grapefruit juice and grenadine into shaker with ice. Shake and strain into glass. Garnish with cherry.
Cranberry Punch (by Suite101.com)
- 4 ½ lbs. whole cranberries
- 2 c. water
- 1 qt. club soda
- ½ tbsp. whole cloves
- 1 cinnamon stick
- 3 c. sugar
- 1 ½ c. orange juice
- ½ c. lemon juice
In a large pot, mix water, cranberries, cloves and cinnamon together and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and simmer for 20 minutes. Strain out the berry pulp and stir in the sugar until it’s dissolved. Take pot from heat. Pour in orange juice and lemon juice. Chill mixture in fridge. Add club soda before serving.